Why I’m Not Drinking Right Now
Last month I decided to start a 50-day challenge for the 50 days leading up to my 40th birthday. I had three goals: to meditate daily, to move daily, and not to drink alcohol. Everybody was on board with the meditation and the movement. But not drinking alcohol?! Even my husband had one question about that: WHY?!
It wasn’t a decision I came to overnight. In fact, for the past three years or so, I’ve taken breaks from drinking here and there. Usually my breaks would last from a week to ten days, and then maybe I’d have a glass or two of wine on the weekends. And that would last for a few weeks. But then I’d have a stressful day at work or I’d go out to dinner, or it’d be an average Wednesday, and I’d start having a glass of wine almost every night of the week. And I REALLY looked forward to that glass of wine, except that wine was not my friend. I noticed that when I drank alcohol, I slept poorly and woke up with brain fog the next day. I was stuck in an endless cycle of craving something that wasn’t serving me.
So the reason I knew I needed to quit drinking for a while is because it’s been really hard for me to quit drinking. And when something is hard, I think it’s always good to look into why. For me, wine had become my predominant coping mechanism for any time I was angry, stressed, bored, happy…basically for any scenario. But I was sick of trying to gage – every single night – when to start drinking (never before 6), how much (only one glass, okay maybe two), and if it would affect my sleep. (The answer was always yes, by the way. Even half a glass of wine will negatively affect your sleep.) It all just took up so much of my headspace.
And then, one morning, the Huberman Lab podcast aired an episode about the impact of alcohol on your body. I listened to the entire two-hour episode in a single sitting (well, on a very long walk). And I learned there is absolutely NOTHING healthy about alcohol. In fact, one glass of wine is like smoking 10 cigarettes in terms of cancer risk.
I don’t know why that podcast was a game changer for me. I guess I’ve tried to live my life being “healthy” – exercising, eating right – and I’ve always known that drinking alcohol is incompatible with that. Or maybe I was just exhausted of the back-and-forth and ready to put alcohol aside. But the day I found that podcast just so happened to be 50 days until my 40th birthday.
Now that I’ve fully committed to this challenge, I’ve learned some things, and I have a ton of resources to share with anyone else who has the sneaking suspicion that they could be drinking more than they want to. Again, this has been a process that’s taken me over three years, so I know WAY too much about this subject, haha. But if my experience helps even one person, then I think it’s worth sharing.
What I’ve Learned
You are not alone. Questioning your relationship with alcohol is more common than you’d think. The pandemic was isolating and traumatic, and many of us turned to alcohol to cope. But the good news is that the fastest growing segment of liquor stores is (drum roll please) ALCOHOL-FREE BEVERAGES! Companies like Athletic Brewing have seen their sales skyrocket, signaling that more and more people are realizing that they want to limit or avoid alcohol. There’s a huge community of sober and “sober curious” people out there. You won’t have to look far to find them (but I have some resources below to get you started).
If you suffer from anxiety, cutting out alcohol will help. Since alcohol is a depressant, when it leaves your system it can cause heightened stress hormones, nerves and anxiety even when you’re not drinking. I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole life and I’ve definitely noticed an improvement since quitting drinking. Which is ironic since I used alcohol to “cope” with anxiety – which is the absolute worst thing you can do!
Quitting alcohol is its own anti-inflammatory diet. Alcohol causes so much inflammation in our bodies, from disrupting the protective lining of our gut, to killing off the good bacteria in our microbiome, to causing deficiencies of important vitamins (B12, folate) and minerals (magnesium). It also shrinks our neocortex and damages every cell in our bodies, even increasing our risk for seven different types of cancers.
Tips For Quitting
Be super positive. Going alcohol-free is a lifestyle upgrade. You’ll say goodbye to hangovers and hello to amazing sleep, peaceful mornings, and more time on your hands. Get curious about the limitless possibilities of what you’ll learn about yourself and what you’ll be able to accomplish. Focusing on what you’re giving up will only put you in a mentality of lack and make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, treat yourself! I use some of the money I’d normally spend on booze to gift myself little things that spark joy. A new bath bomb, a manicure, pajamas, whatever makes you happy.
Plan ahead. Stock up on alcohol-free beverages, and keep any alcohol out of easy reach. I put our special bottles of wine in the basement and replaced them with nonalcoholic options, which I keep in the kitchen. It’s actually been really fun to create new mocktail recipes. I’ve found one or two that I especially love, and I’ve started to crave my mocktails instead of my cocktails.
Find a support network. Everything’s easier with a group. I’m lucky to have a support network of other like-minded women that I can check in with for accountability. But if you don’t have one, some online support groups include This Naked Mind, Sober Sis, and MANY more. There are also a few one-on-one coaches out there. The two I know of are Jolene Park and Casey McGuire.
Do a pre-mortem. This is a term that I learned from a friend in venture capital. She does a pre-mortem on the deals she does to see where the weak points are. I did a pre-mortem to figure out when I was most likely to drink (cooking dinner) and what I could do to prevent my challenge from failing. I literally wrote out a new pre-dinner routine, which involves breath work or meditation, a mocktail, and turning on a podcast or good TV show while cooking. And I substituted my new routine for my old one. It helps me relax just as much and it doesn’t involve alcohol. I also created a “toolbox” of things that I can turn to instead of a drink, like yoga, Netflix, the hot tub, going to bed early, chocolate, calling a friend…whatever you can think of.
Communicate. To be honest, my husband has no idea why I want to quit alcohol for a prolonged period. But he loves me, and I have his support. So I’ve asked him not to drink around me, and so far he’s respected that. Same with my friends. For girls’ night, I’ve texted beforehand that I’m not drinking but can be the designated driver. For the most part (although there are definitely exceptions), people don’t really care whether you drink or not. You can help them - and yourself - by setting the boundaries you need.
Best Books
There are a lot of books out there on sobriety, but I would caution you to take them all with a grain of salt. Some of the addiction stories are really bad, and the thought, “omigosh, I’m not THAT bad!” actually kept me on the path of drinking. Nonetheless, here are three that I like:
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray
Best Podcasts
Take a Break by Rachel Hart
Hello Someday by Casey McGuire
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
Anyway, I hope that was helpful. Are you on an alcohol-free journey? Let me know if you have any resources that aren’t listed here, or if you’d like to know anything else. I’m happy to share!